—From EF—

We have house cats. House cats use cat pans. Every morning, early enough to see the glory of the rising sun, I leave Conrad to sleep another hour and come downstairs to start my day. At the foot of the stairs I unlatch the gate that keeps the cats from coming up to bounce on our bed, say hello to the sweet beasts, and hope that I can close the gate before one of them sneaks through. Then I head to the laundry room to take care of the cat pan. I will do this again before going to bed; it’s a regular ritual.

In its way, it’s a lot easier than the diaper ritual was. Modern litter makes it easy: shake the pan and the turds rise to the top. I wish our political system were so efficient. Actually, what I really wish is that we had a better turd patrol. These days it looks as if we can clearly see the offending objects but we don’t have an effective scooper. I paid more for mine than for the plastic ones, because the salesperson said, “Get this and it’s the only one you’ll ever have to get.” He was right.

Today we have a cat pan that the founding fathers never envisioned. We do have a scooper, but it is in the hands of those who do not wish to be scooped. Imagine that: “No, go over there and get that one. I’m above the law.” Meanwhile, the level in the pan rises and the stink increases. Would you put up with that?

Day by day the documented events hit the news, and day by day there seems to be nothing to do about it. It seems that we do have a Constitution, or at least we did, and day by day we see violations that would warrant the attention of the law. Nothing happens.

Hey dudes, you must have bought the cheap plastic scoopers that break easily. This pan is overflowing and smelling pretty rank. Could you invest a little more and get something that works?

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