Not intending the following to deprecate all conspiracy theories—only the Total Absolute Certainty with which so many of those are stated. You may be dead right, but in my humble opinion, hours of googling videos on the Web does not constitute “research.” That said, apologies to any who take this amiss. From our play SURVIVAL:
Conspiracy. Everything’s a conspiracy, they say. Like, what do they really do in the VIP Lounge? Are those VIPs in there just … lounging?
But, well, here, my friends, are the facts:
Yesterday’s destruction of all transport systems in New York City, with the estimated loss of 42,000 lives, was the conspiracy of ISIS, ISIL, DAESH.
Surprise? Well, they never report the real news. Okay, so—
ISIS is a conspiracy of the CIA and the current Administration to justify the creation of a police state in America and conquer the world.
This Administration is the front for a plot linking radical environmentalists, Black Nationalists, and international resurgent Communism to destroy Capitalism by letting it disgrace itself.
Communism itself was a conspiracy by proto-Nazis to induce world chaos leading to forced attendance at the operas of Richard Wagner.
Nazism was funded by—sorry, this is pretty offensive—Nazism was funded by a cabal of Jewish extremists to produce the Holocaust, thus justifying establishment of the Zionist state.
Zionism! Zionism is a plot by the Illuminati to foment world war between the monotheistic religions and pave the way for an enlightened humanistic utopia ruled by philosopher kings.
The Roman Catholic Church founded the Illuminati as the Antichrist they’re saving us from.
God, in His wisdom, created the Roman Catholic Church.
And God’s mother told Him—He was about two years old when He did this—told Him He was a Bad Boy and made Him go stand in a black hole. God didn’t create the universe, they just gave it to Him for His birthday.
But it was all the fault of the Mother Goddess, who did not read the package label for age-appropriate toys.
But so what?
If there is a conspiracy, are we better off being hip to the conspiracy, or just stay dumb? Maybe get a job with it, like catering lunches?
But whatever they’re doing, we get through the day, no matter what. Drunk drivers, practical jokes, genocides, lay-offs and labor pains … and whatever comes next.
We might ought to get our own conspiracy going.
And the technological advancement of the human race is a plot by amphibian lizard aliens to create a warmer, wetter Terra with more CO2 in the atmosphere so they can take over when we’ve wiped each other out. (With their encouragement.)
I live by the rule — Start the day with a giggle; it keeps the doctor away and brings me closer to truth.
Your conspiratorial certainly provided me with a good one today.