—From the Fool—

Fool here. Long time I haven’t posted here, being as I had the urge to better myself. You’re never as much of a fool as you could be. So I took some time off and hung out on Facebook a lot. Which is where you get the really expert fools. Learn from the masters, they say.

That’s where I met my friend Moondog.

Of course this wasn’t the Moondog famous for standing in a Viking suit and doing music and being blind. My friend Moondog calls himself that as a tribute to the famous Moondog, “And maybe I’ll get famous,” he says.

He doesn’t wear a horned helmet. “They never did that,” he says. He wears a baseball cap that says ACE, like the hardware store. It hides his bald spot, which covers pretty much all of his head. “All the facts in there,” he says, “they push out the hair.”

And wisdom, which he says he’s got a lot of. Which you can tell: he calls lots of people asshole. Which is part of “thinking outside the box,” he says, meaning that he calls lots of people asshole.

But for example, he’s pissed at the news calling everything “disproportionate.” Racism, poverty, disease, convicted felons, the cops shoot a black guy, it’s disproportionate. So his idea is, make it proportionate: let the cops shoot more white guys, so it evens out. Plus, it lowers unemployment. That’s a thought.

I asked him about UFOs. Opinions are like roaches: if there’s one, there’s gotta be more.

“You notice one thing about those?” he asked.

“I never saw one.”

“Lotsa people haven’t. They hide. But which way do they go when they’re spotted? North. They’re all coming up from Mexico.”

“How do we know?”

“It’s a known fact. You hear the government saying it?”

“No.”

“That proves the cover-up.”

I think I’m entering a whole new dimension of fooldom. It opens out before me.

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